Tirade

Forgive me if I rant. It is 2:30 in the morning and I am sure Scarlet will not be sleepy again until 4:30... it always comes in twos, her middle of the night wakefulness, two hours from beginning to end. At 2:30 in the morning one feels like ranting, it just suits.
Yesterday was Scarlet's second day of Kindergarten. Decidedly a better experience. Today she had three people watching her, maybe that's how many it takes...however, the school board has yet to allot her a full time EA. After her biting and hitting episodes on Tuesday she has finally gotten the attention of all involved and a Special Education committee from the board of education was there to meet me as I walked in the doors yesterday.

I don't like to complain. A smile is always much better than a simper, in my opinion, but I have almost reached my smiling limit...then again it is 2:30 in the morning and Scarlet is jumping on her bed. We spent a good amount of time in June filling out reports, documenting Scarlet's likes and dislikes, making it possible for those who were to work with her to have the information needed to properly care for her. I am not sure why we took all the trouble because I have been asked the same questions that have been clearly documented about three different time to three different people this week. I don't know why they can't just read the report our resource teacher put together in a nice report cover complete with pictures. I have half a mind to start a t-shirt business for parents with special needs kids. It would start with number 1: the answer to the most frequently asked question about their child, number 2: the answer to the second most asked question about their child and follow in like pattern until all the questions are answered. The parent, who is probably feeling quite stressed and exhausted can read a nice book in one of their many meetings while the professionals copy the answers from their t-shirts. I think this idea might catch on.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the nice people I meet who want to help Scarlet... a little bit of co-operation between those nice people would make them even nicer. I don't necessarily relish repeating the ways in which my beautiful, smart daughter can't measure up in society. I don't like defining her by her limitations and though I am grateful that someone put the "what are her strengths?" question in there, I feel really guilty when all I can say is... her eye contact and her smile. "Strengths" are very subjective. They wouldn't understand how I see Scarlet. I should have my list ready of what I consider strengths in Scarlet because I am caught off guard every time they ask that question. It is like being jerked the other way in a car, answering that question in the middle of defining her by her challenges.

Autistic kids are not known for their flexibility. Big changes like this in their lives can elicit quite extreme behaviours. I have spent most of the week trying to keep Scarlet from banging her head on any hard object that looks desirable to her. I have been trying my best to keep her from hitting her face with the palms of her hands, her little face is already bruised. I have been trying to divert her attention from biting holes in her hands and wrists, and well, it would be nice to convince her that a good nights sleep would make the next day better. I have a couple of bite marks that are still smarting. On top of all this I have to try to convince a bureaucrat in a nice office that my daughter needs to have someone with her at all times to keep her and the children around her safe. They, apparently, need me to call them frequently to express my concerns. I am trying to do this diplomatically. It is taking supernatural strength to refrain from yelling into the phone.
If the school board has decided to mainstream special needs kids, then they need to be prepared to offer these kids the help they need without their families having to become mini-experts on board policy.

I am ending with a verse, because it reminds me of the state of mind I need to be in. "Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you" I forget the address, and it is too crazy an hour to go find it...but I am going to stop ranting and start casting. Honestly, God has taken care of Scarlet in amazing ways and I know He hasn't stopped. Sooo off to convince Scarlet to lay down and reminding myself that resting in God is what I should be doing at 3:00 in the morning.