Playgrounds and Plans

Today was a beautiful fall day. The wind was constantly keeping the world teetering between summer and winter, leaves dropped here or there, children played in the sand at the park. Enter an enthusiastic Scarlet who has waited all day for the freedom to run in the sand and play at the park. She spots a blue sand pail and loves the idea of playing with it, I notice her interest and sprint after her to divert her from kicking it while a little boy is busy playing in the sand beside it. Baloons from a nearby birthday party bob in and out of view while the boy's caretaker says "It's ok, let her play". I am taken back by her kindness, she shows no shock or disdain, which is usually what such behaviour is met with. Scarlet sits herself in the sand near the boy, eager to be in on the game that looks so fun, but unable to figure out how to appropriately engage him. She flicks sand for a bit and I help to redirect her attention to something that will be more successful for her. As she and I run to the slide I hear the caretaker say, "It's ok she was just born that way", Skye calls my name, she is swinging all alone and wants my attention. I think to myself, "Scarlet was not born that way, she was born just like your child and she was taken away." As I push Skye up, up, up, I see Scarlet heading towards the sand toys again. This time I am not fast enough to catch her but she sits down, beside a little girl and I help her to use a shovel and fill the bucket. Scarlet has a sand superpower, she is like a sandstorm when left to her own devices, I am often her guiding force. ;-) On such a beautiful fall day, I knew this little girl did not want to experience the wrath of a sandstorm, so I was closely helping Scarlet play appropriately. That is when the little boy's caretaker, a complete stranger, wanted to tell me what a wonderful mother she was by explaining Scarlet's odd behaviour to her son. She told me that he had a questioning look on his face so she explained to him that she was just born this way, that she was different, some people are, but that she was probably a very lovely girl, she didn't mean to act like that.
Right now, I can think of a million things to say in Scarlet's defence, like She is a victim of autism who bent her normal little brain, she is beautiful and funny and can understand EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID!!, everyone who works with her loves her, she loves music and princess stories and Jillian Jiggs and knowing that she is a big girl. Unfortunately, all I could choke out was "she wasn't, she wasn't born this way" and then I looked at my child who was banging her head in the sand because she doesn't like being criticized. I wished there was some way I could let her know how beautiful she is. She proceeded to cry and injure herself for the next 10 to 15 minutes and I prayed for a way to tell her that no matter what other people say about her, she is valuable and important.



I tried and have since been thinking of what I should say next time this happens. I told her that Mommy and Daddy love her, that Jesus loves her, that she is one of the bravest girls I know, that sometimes people are just wrong. It all seemed like I was grasping for straws. What could I tell her about her intrinsic worth that would stick with her and help her through another such experience. If her brother were being shunned at school or could never seem to measure up, I would point out his strengths. I would tell him that knowing God and bringing God happiness is one of the most important things in life. I would tell him that God looks at our heart and finds it more desirable than our abilities. "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."



Recently I went through an audition process that left me feeling vulnerable and criticized for what I thought was a good try. It took me days to find my equilibrium from such an experience. I realized last night while going to sleep that I had been allowed to experience for a few minutes what Scarlet faces every time she goes out of our house. The only stabilizing force for me, when I kept hearing particular words of criticism in my head, was the knowledge that I have been created by a God who has a purpose for me. Pleasing God with my heart is my most important
endeavor. From now on I will tell Scarlet just that. I will quote II Corinthians 12:8-10 "I begged the Lord threee times to take this problem away from me. But he said to me 'My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.' So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. then Christ's power can live in me." I will tell her that her physical limitations aren't limitations to God, they just give him a larger canvas on which to paint his power. I am looking forward to watching this picture unfold. I am sure I will be surprised.