We are family

Most of us can identify with the bittersweet priveledge it is to grow up with a sibling. There is hardly a memory of my childhood that isn't colored with the blond hair and sly wit of my brother, Matthew. For the most part we were best of friends. He would oblidge me and let me practice my cheerleading stunts with him as long as I would play a round of hoops afterwards. We would spend hours working out routines with hangers just to put on a show. He was just my buddy. On occasion, he would display one of those pesky little brother sides and annoy me to the point of breaking. Often he would bring over friends that were annoying, friends that read my diary and talked in alien voices. Yet for all the fights we had in the back seat of the car on our way down to Alabama, there were ten other good memories.

I have often wondered how my other children will remember Scarlet. Brynn in particular. He is two years older than Scarlet, so he has been part of this journey with us. I know it is very unmotherly of me, but I often forget that autism has taken something away from him too. When Scarlet began to display symptoms of autism, he would very often take the brunt of a tantrum. He has been bitten, smacked, kicked, head-butted and ignored by his sister. It was hard for a then four year old to understand what autism is and how it has affected his sister. It is hard, when you are four to understand why your sister doesn't get the same kind of punishment for her actions. It is really hard to understand how her hitting is really her way of displaying affection. It is hard to have your mother's face always looking in her direction. How many of us grew up thinking that our parents really loved the other one better...everyone thinks that at one point or the other.

I have watched Brynn work through different levels of grief. He was at one point so angry with his sister that he never wanted to talk to her or have her around. Little by little as her world has begun opening up to us again, I have seen him bravely step back into the ring of sibling relationship. I say bravely, because he is risking bodily harm to engage her. He still often gets smacked and bitten. He cries, then he gets back up and walks back into the ring. It is something remarkable for me to watch. I can't relate. But I recognize in him, the same thing that motivates me...connection. When Brynn connects with his sister that was lost to him, it is a little victory. When he sees Scarlet shining out of her eyes again, and makes her laugh, or squeal with delight, he has just won the joust with austism. He is shaping up to be a brilliant jouster. When I watch this joust my eyes swell with tears for the brave little knight who doesn't yet fit his armor.

I have watched Skye as she hasn't known anything different from her sister. She still walks by Scarlet with her hands over her head so that she doesn't get knocked in the noggin'. I have walked in on her sitting in Scarlet's lap, saying, "Talk to me Scarlet, why don't you talk to me?" I have watched her take on the role of nurtrurer as she does little piggies with Scarlet's toes and frequently asks her if she is alright. She is often heard saying, "it's ok sweetheart". All is not good however, it seems she has taken to pushing Scarlet away in order not to get a "love tap". Whats a sibling without a little rivalry.

My babysitter told me that she hear Brynn defending his little sister from a curious friend from school. When the friend said, "Isn't it annoying that she can't talk?" He very passionately answered that he wasn't annoyed and they he loves her just the way she is. This is another way that I have been startled by autism. I am so thankful to God for the way he has helped my babes deal with the disfunction of autism and I pray for every day that God would be gracious to them and give them strength.